Well if that isn’t a controversial blog post title I don’t know what is. I believe it was over a year ago now that I first stumbled across a number of threads about me on the usual suspects when it comes to “hate forums”. It was horrible and it shook me to the core. That kind of mentality, where by you openly share and take enjoyment in belittling people online, anonymously might I add, is completely foreign to me and certainly not a trait my parents instilled in me as a child. After reading such vile things about myself, that night was the first night of what would become 6 months of vicious sleep anxiety.
So you can imagine how truly odd it is for me to be writing this post.
Last week I wrote a post to raise a little awareness among bloggers old and new to how sometimes things can get a little close for comfort. It wasn’t about naming and shaming, pointing fingers or embarrassing anyone. I was genuinely shocked by how many people e-mailed thinking that the post was about them. But during all that, someone decided to drag up a thread about me that had died a very quick and quite death a long time ago.
I read that thread from beginning to end, but this time I had what seemed to be a fresh pair of eyes. A pair of eyes that was able to see past the childish remarks about how I look, the irrelevant assumptions and bitterness, and see what was actually being shared here. These people were sharing the way I came across as a person a long time ago as a child, and in turn that was reflecting on the person I am now. These people were sharing the things that others were too “nice” to say to my face. They were judging me openly, something that we all do quietly to some extent.
In the 5 minutes it took to read that thread with an open mind, I learnt more about how I came across and communicated who I am, than I had done in the last 5 years. And truth be told, I probably wasn’t the nicest of children growing up because being nice was the last thing on my mind (Perhaps one day I will share why), Yes those outfits were hideous and Correct, no body needs to take that many gym selfies.
Everyday I communicate who I am online. What I stand for, what I believe in and everything in between. I should be communicating who I am in the most accurate way possible and if people are still able to switch on their computer screens and type “She looks like a complete bitch!” then I’m not showing you what’s truly inside of me. The things I’m saying clearly aren’t reflecting what’s in my heart, my mannerisms clearly don’t reflect what I mean.
It’s never a nice experience to see such horrible things written about myself on the internet for all to see, and I certainly won’t ever be able to please everyone but if I can take all that negativity and turn it into something truly positive, the real winner in this is me.